I feel like much of the first 2/3 of my life was spent with some sort of underlying dissatisfaction with myself or my situation. Nothing debilitating or depressing but a sometimes irritation with my life that made it hard for me to find happiness in my present.
Now I'm pretty positive we will ALL struggle with this on and off again probably our whole lives because it is in our very nature to want to become better and to better our surroundings, but when it is motivated and approached from an angle of pride (either from the top looking down or the bottom looking up) it always leaves you feeling empty and unsatisfied. And that was much of my story.
I think it stemmed from a slight inferiority complex- mainly growing up in an area with lots of money when my family did not have it. I'm annoyed at myself when I think of how I let this affect me, because I absolutely had an ideal childhood and upbringing in a loving, Christ-centered home with lots of space to roam. But some kind of paradigm shift happened to me at some point that was rooted in me "not having enough" or "being enough" despite what my parents had taught me. My parents really did have it right though. They knew and taught that we are infinite beings with infinite beauty, potential and worth.
But whatever my "reason" for feeling like an underdog, I knew it was something I needed to rid my soul of.
It's been a good 13 years of practice and soul searching, and honestly I can't layout some magical program to bring inner peace, but this I know- that true peace of mind and soul come only through Jesus Christ and keeping his commandments.
So, not long ago I had an incredible experience in yoga. During savasana, or lifeless body, where we lie still for several minutes at the end of class the instructor said, "At some point you have to let go. At some point you have to let go of the expectations and the way you thought it was suppose to be and live in your now. Live in what is."
I suddenly felt unexpected tears rolling from the corners of my eyes, and as I laid there trying to figure out my feelings I came to know it was tears of happiness. Tears of peace, of knowing that I had overcome so much of my struggle and that I had come to a point of mostly satisfaction, versus dissatisfaction with my life. I knew I had come to a point in my life where I wanted God to lead me- really lead me without me kicking and screaming. I had slowly along the way let go of who I "used to be", and who "I should be". And now I loved me. I loved my story and though imperfect, I loved my life. I was full of gratitude that day. Grateful for a loving, gracious God and for that moment on my yoga mat.
I love movement and habits that promote health and lifetime wellness. I also like stretchy pants, being outside and good-for-you food! Follow me on Instagram @DawnBrownCoaching for more frequent updates.